So yeah…by now we realize how bad GAD sucks. As I am writing these blogs and doing these videos to bring awareness to Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I am realizing even more how much this disorder has taken its toll. For me, I thought that I had a great handle on it. Maybe I do, or maybe it is because I broke so bad and I will never allow myself to get to that place again. I think about this time and time again. I know one thing is for sure, and that is when my breaking point happened, it changed me forever.
It is always difficult for me to go back to that place. It is partly a hazy time as well as a time that triggers a lot of emotions and experiences. I do not think that the details are as important as the reason why I allowed myself to get to this point. I never thought this would happen to me, and I do not want it to happen to anyone else.
As I spoke about in my videos and blogs, my anxiety increasingly got worse throughout the years. I was able to get by, but it got to the point where it became beyond overwhelming. This coupled with negative life experiences and less support, just allowed for me to sink more and more into my anxiety. I was drowning to the point that I was in a constant state of fight or flight. And I couldn’t do anything about it. Even worse, the few people around me did not know what to do either. It became so bad that I went to the hospital. I avoid them at all costs, but one earth angel told me I was worth it so I mustered up the strength to go.
It was so scary for me that my hands are shaking typing this right now. I was frightened, dehydrated, confused, and mostly in a state of shock. I can remember the doctors running all these tests thinking I had Cancer. So, this clearly scared me even more. But I can honestly say that this saved my life. It made me realize so much more about my anxiety disorder, the importance of health, support, self-care, and seeking help. This was the toughest time in my life. I would love to say this was the last time I felt so anxious, but I would be lying. It has been a process, and it still is. I am still learning how to cope with it. People do not always realize that recovery still includes learning, growth, and steps backwards. But that is okay because I am handling it. And when I am not, I have the tools and the mindset to deal with it.
I am going to stop here for today. My next blog and video will be about some of the tools and resources that I utilized. Everyone is different, and you will have to see what is best for you. But having a place to start is key throughout the process and journey. I hope that sharing some of my experiences with GAD is helpful. Like I always say, feel free to comment or share your story. We can learn from each other, and this is a safe environment for all of us to learn and share. I used to think that I could get through this alone, and now I know that I cannot. Nobody can, and you should not have too. So, please know when you are ready, I as well as others, are here!:)