Panic Room

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I have suffered from panic attacks since I was 18-years-old.  I remember the first time I had one.  I had no idea what was going on.  I felt very off as if I didn’t know what was happening around me.  I began to sweat and my heart felt like it was going to jump right out of my chest.  I felt like I was going to die.  All I wanted to do was find a safe spot where I could be alone.  I wanted to run, but I was dizzy with fear.  I sat down, and for what seemed like forever, I continued to be in this state of mind.  After this “episode” was over, I felt scared and ashamed.  I had no idea what was happening to me.  I thought I was physically ill, and instead of telling anyone, I kept quiet. “I can shake this.  I am strong, and I will overcome this like I have every other obstacle.”  That’s what I kept telling myself.  It worked for a little while.  And by worked, I meant that I got good and creative with making excuses and covering it up.  I could feel myself sinking, but my head was always above the water.  It was a constant cycle of panicking, feeling bad about myself, covering it up, feeling better, and so on.  But no matter how bad it got, I couldn’t tell anyone.  I knew at that time that they would not understand because I didn’t even understand it.  I kept putting off the inevitable until I couldn’t anymore.  It was affecting my life in every aspect.  I finally had to do something about it. I think about that time, and it still haunts me.  To this day, I have bouts of panic and moments that I am scared to death it is going to get that bad again.   I just want to be alone in my panic and anxiety away from everyone.  To me, it is safe.  Anyone with anxiety knows that we have our safe room/place.  We go there when this happens.  Because of my Generalized Anxiety Disorder, feeling safe and comfortable is a must for me.  And with this comes the fact that a lot of people do not fully understand anxiety, and to the extent that it can occur.  I still struggle with fully understanding anxiety, and finding those that understand.  Those people that want to learn together, educate each other, help each other, and lend a compassionate ear to those people, like ourselves, that need to feel support.  I know I can’t do this alone, and no one should have to go through life feeling anxious and alone. If any of you can relate to this, please comment below and become a part of a community of people who are just trying to feel happy and healthy in a safe and judgment-free zone.  Feel free to share your own experiences as you may get the support you need as well as help others feeling the same way as you:)

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